Tuesday, September 6, 2011

10 Years

This blog started as a way to document my pregnancy and continued to chronicle the special moments in our lives with our little bundle, but today I am going to write about something else.

It has been almost 10 years since September 11th, 2001. I can hardly accept that fact. So much has happened to me in the past ten years. I started college. I graduated college. I began working. I got engaged, married and pregnant. And now I have a beautiful 4 month old baby boy.

It kills me that my Aunt Lorraine can't be here to see all these things happen. I know how happy even ONE of those milestones would have made her, let alone all of them.

I was just feeding William and flipping thru the channels when I came across a 9/11 documentary on NatGeo. I usually don't stop to watch these things. I feel like my family is inundated with 9/11 as it is, that I dont need to add any more fuel to the fire. But for some reason I stopped to hear this one woman's account of escaping. She was one of the lucky ones. She said when she reached the 1st floor a police woman stopped her from exiting the building. And as they looked up, a second plane crashed into the other tower. It just sliced right threw. I have seen pictures of this too many times to count over the past 10 years. Who hasn't? But I dont know that I ever saw a video. I dont know if it was the angle, the sound or what, but it was just so terrifying to watch it literally slice right through an entire building. Windows, walls, desks, everything inside. Including people. The tears just started to fall uncontrollably, as I knew my aunt was trapped above the floors that the plan went through. I almost wish, if she couldnt have been below or out already of course, that she was on those floors. To be above, to know what happened, and to be trapped...I dont even know what she was feeling. I cant bear to think about it for longer than a few seconds before the tears start. The fear and heart ache I feel is probably miniscule to what she was going through. I wonder who or what she was thinking of. Her husband, Johnny. My grandmother, Joan. Her brothers and sisters. Her nieces and nephews. The baby she never did get to carry but always wanted. The life she would be leaving behind and the eternal life she would be going to. No doubt she was praying to her savior, Jesus, as she was a very devout Catholic. And I hope that she is with Him. I know that she is with Him. And that she is happy where she is. I know she wants us to know this. That she wants us to be happy, too. But I don't think that will ever be entirely possible.

But as I was sitting on the couch, with my beautiful baby in my lap, feeding him his bottle, tears cascading down my face and some splashing onto his....he reached up and touched my cheek with is tiny little hand. And in that moment I somehow knew Aunt Lorraine was with me. That she was been with my since that horrible, horrible day in September 2001. For all my big occasions, for whenever I have prayed to her or needed her guidance. And that she will always, always be with me in spirit, until the day I can be with her again, too.

Friday, September 2, 2011

Long Overdue

It's been an entire season since I've last blogged...literally 3 months. So without further a due...(This one's for you, Lauren.)

It's probably been the craziest three months of my life. I haven't had a second to myself but I love it and wouldn't want it any other way. I love my baby boy and I LOVE that I am home, spending every day with him, for at least the foreseeable future. Watching him grow the past three months has been an incredible experience. William was never "little", as he was over 9 lbs at birth. He fit into NB clothing for a good 2 weeks, before he was already in 3 months. Now, at 3 1/2 months, he is in 6 to 9 months. It has been the fastest, foggiest 3 months of my life. I am trying to remember it all, but the days go by so fast and he seems like a different baby from one week to the next. Bigger, smarter, stronger, more...interactive. I feel like I will blink and he'll be 3 and then 13 and then a grown man.

But let's focus on the present for a minute (and the immediate past). William was baptized 2 weeks ago now. We had a nice celebration afterwards at Rosina's with immediate family. William is a very blessed little boy to have so many people who love him so much.

What else, what else. He is doing very good on tummy time. He has always had stellar head and neck control, literally since the day he was born. When I put him on his tummy he looks as if he is going to crawl, if only he could figure out to push his arms. He rolled over for the first time the other day...August 31. He did it TWICE in a row, from tummy to back, but haven't been successful in getting him to do it again since.

He loves when I sing to him. Which is how you know a child's love for their mother is unconditional....no one else in their right mind would listen in such amazement when I sing. But for some reason he is memorized when I do.

I am afraid he is starting to get a little spoiled though. Everyone always wants to hold him, so now he is used to this. But sorry kiddo, when its just you and Mommy I can't possibly do it ALL day, as much as I would love to. So right now I am letting him cry it out in his swing. He was just changed. He doesnt want his baba. Everything else is fine. He will stop in five minutes or so. Billy and I really but heads on this one because "all the books say" that you can't spoil a child under 6 months old. But generations of mothers have told me otherwise, and I am going to listen to them. So a little tough love will hopefully break him of this habit. ...Look at that, he stopped, just as I finished writing this. And back to sleep. I think a large part of it is he fights to stay awake. His big eyes are so tired yet he doesn't want to miss anything! Listen little one, right now, you are the best and most interesting part of our family, so if you are asleep, trust me, NOTHING good is going on :) Get your rest now while you can and while you need it most!!

Ok now I have to go start dinner...I promise I will try to be more diligent with this blog, now that I know my loyal readers (or just you Lauren) actually want to know what's going on!!

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

He's here!!

Just read my last post which was written on the Friday before William was born...and I thought I had a whole weekend left before he'd be here. Little did I know.

Thinking we had a whole weekend, Billy and I had plans to clean the whole apartment from top to bottom, go food shopping, etc to prepare for William's arrival so we were all set when he was here. The doctor had told me to stay on bed rest all weekend so really it was Billy who was going to do all of these things. We had to go to the hospital that morning for me to get more bloodwork done. We had arrived home around noon or 1 I think (had a late start that morning) and he had started the cleaning process and was about halfway through when we got a call from Dr. Generelli at about 3 pm telling me I was going to go to the hospital that night at 7. She told me to call at 6 to make sure they were still able to take me a 7. They would begin the induction that night. I was very nervous after this phone call. It was finally happening! What I had been wanting to happen the past 4 weeks was finally here and now I didnt want it to be happening so soon. I tried to rest and relax because I knew (but really didnt know at all) what I'd be in for the next day or so and figured I'd need my rest. But who can rest when they know they will be going to the hospital within hours???

In what seemed like only a few short minutes, the 3 hours had passed and it was 6 oclock. I called Labor & Delivery and they told me to come at 7:30. I was very anxious so we went to my mom's and waited there until 7 when we (Billy, my mom and sister) left for the hospital. We arrived at nearly 7:30 on the dot and I walked into L&D. I had pre-registered online a few weeks before so they had all my information waiting and ushered me into a room right away. The doctor came in shortly after and gave me Cervidil which is supposed to ripen the uterus. That was all the inducing they would do for that night.

At about 3 am I got up to (what I thought) go to the bathroom, but could barely make it out of bed before I felt that infamous gush. I called the nurse (Michelle) and told her I think my water broke. She came in right away and confirmed it had. Maybe a result of the Cervidil, maybe on its own, they said there was no real way to tell what caused it. After that I had some light cramping the rest of the night but nothing too severe.

At 7 am, Dr. Generelli came back in and started me on Pitocin, which brings on labor. Also had a new nurse for this shift, Judy. The contractions started coming slowly for awhile and nothing too horrible. The doctor told me after I was at 3 cms I could have the epidural if I wanted to do so. So from 7 am on, they got progressively worse and worse, and closer and closer together...I was really had no time in between from one contraction to the next, they were like a minute apart. One would end and the next would begin within seconds. A few hours later the doctor came in to check on my progession but I still wasnt very much dilated. Maybe 1 cm or 1 1/2 cms, I dont remember exactly. At some point she gave the OK for me to have the epidural despite not being at 3 cms (Thank God because I never did get to 3 cms!!). I knew I wanted it, but I kept trying to wait it out. When you dont know how bad contractions are going to get, how do you know how soon to ask for the ep? I was trying to get through as many as I could on my own. About noon I finally couldnt take it, literally tears in my eyes through each contraction, and asked for the epidural. They administered it by 12:30 and then complete numbness. I didnt feel a thing. I only knew I was having contractions based on the monitoring that showed when I was having them.

For the next 4+ hours I was pain free and happy as anything. The doctor kept coming in to check my progression, but still, not much was happening. It was finally about 5 pm when she decided to call it and opt for the C-section (at which point, after 10 hours of labor, not counting anything from the night before, I was only about 2 1/2 cms dilated).

In a way I was relieved that it would finally be happening, but I was also disappointed that my mom wouldnt be able to be there with me. If I had natural birth, you are allowed 2 people in the L&D room, but in the OR only Billy was allowed. He put on scrubs and they got me ready for surgery. It was 5:20 when they wheeled me into the OR. Since it was a Sunday night, they had a limited staff, and just as I was ready for surgery, another mother with a distressed baby need a C section so they tended to her while I waited in the OR. I dont know what time they started the surgery exactly after that point. All I know is I felt a lot of pressure and poking and then he was born at 6:04, 9lbs, 4oz and 20.5 inches. They showed him to me and Billy got to hold him. I remember crying and saying how beautiful he was. I knew he'd be cute (what mother doesnt think their baby is cute?) but I really wasnt expecting him to be as perfect and as beautiful as he was and is. More than I could ever imagine a baby to be. To actually see him in reality and not just sonograms or how I pictured him in my mind to be...it was just amazing.

The anesthesiologist took a picture of the 3 of us before they took the baby to the nursery to do, whatever it is they do to newborns, and Billy went with him. At this point I remember I was having trouble breathing and I was shivering. I think the doctor said I was loosing blood because they were having trouble closing me up. I also felt intense pressure on my chest, like a grown adult was standing on my chest. The anesthesiologist asked if I wanted something and I said yes...whatever it was knocked me out completely and the next thing I knew I was in the post-op room. Nurse Judy was leaving and Nurse Michelle was as it was almost 7 pm again. Billy came back and showed me pictures of our baby.

It wasnt until about 8 or 830 that I was brought to a room in the maternity ward. Visiting hours were over but I had a lot of family waiting from 5 pm so begrudgingly the security guard let them in my room to see me and let them see William through the nursery glass. Besides our parents, Aunt Meg was there, my aunts Patricia, Barbara and Denise, Uncle Jay, Marge, cousins Nicole, Kelly and Kaitlyn and my Nanny. A little bit ater they brought me to my room, they finally brought William to me to hold for the very first time. Most of our guests had to leave at this point, except for our parents. I dont remember this at all, but I am told the first thing I said to my son was "So you are the one who made me gain 60 lbs!" ...real nice. I blame the morphine.

That whole night and most of the next few days in the hospital was very cloudy for me. I was so happy to finally come home on Wednesday morning.
Needless to say Billy never did get to finish cleaning the apartment, so when we finally did come home, we came home to a tornado. But thank God for my mom who slept over that Thursday and spent all day Friday cleaning the apartment from top to bottom. She's a good egg.

Now it has been 17 days that William has been a part of our lives and I cant imagine him not being here. I love him so much and want him to stay a baby forever, but I know he won't...he has already changed so much in the less than 3 weeks he's been here...not even 3 weeks and time is already flying....

Friday, May 13, 2011

41 weeks

....is much too long of a time to be pregnant. I honestly thought my baby would be here for at least a week if not more by now. The ONLY good thing about 41 weeks is knowing it can only possibly be ONE MOR WEEK. If I made it this far I can do another 3 to 7 days. BUT THEN THAT IS IT!

Had a non-stress test yesterday morning at the hospital. Everything was fine. He is a little stinker though, wouldn't wake up!! Although it was only 9 a.m., and I told the nurse he is a night owl, not an early bird. They had to buzz a little alarm noise on my stomach to wake him up. But then he did what he had to do and they were satisfied.

Then I had to get even MORE blood drawn. Really do you have enough of my blood yet, Monmouth Medical Center? And I have to pee in a jar for the next 24 hours (did this last week too)...digusting I know, and then have more blood drawn tomorrow morning when I drop off the "specimen". Based on the results from this labwork they will either induce me at 7:30 Monday night, or possibly Tuesday. I am hoping for Monday, obviously.

Also have a sonogram appt on Monday at 1....not really sure WHY if they are inducing 6 hours later...seems kind of pointless and I really think it's just to make more money.

Doctor also put me on "bed rest"-ish for the next few days. Dont have to really stay in bed but she wants me resting and relaxing, feet up as much as possible, because I am that swollen.

The doctor won't induce yet though obviously. She said that he is still too high, that even if they did induce yesterday or today, there was a 50% chance of me having to have a c-section anyway. She really wants to avoid that, and I do appreciate her concern in that respect. But on the other hand I feel like, ok enough is enough, let's just do this already.

And I have a feeling with my luck it will end up being a c-section ANYWAY so why put off the inevitable.

Anyway...the next time I post will hopefully be with pictures of my little baby!!!! Here's to my last weekend without children!!!! Better make it a good one!

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

5 Days Late

So my due date was Friday. People ask me in the store when I'm due. Friday I say. Good luck they reply. No, LAST Friday I say. Cue look of sympathy.

I know 5 days isnt a huge deal but when YOU are the one who is carrying around a watermelon, 5 days feels like 5 decades. Each day just drags. Every little twinge makes me hopeful that it's starting, and then nothing. Every doctor's appt I am hoping to hear good news (dilation, etc) and nothing. So it gets very frustrating and irritating.

I know logically he will be here eventually, that it HAS to end, that it can't go on FOREVER, even though it feels like it will, but try being logical with a woman who is 9 months pregnant. It's a losing battle that I suggest you not even try to have.

So after much crying yesterday...I was fine at the doctor but the second I walked outside it just started pouring out lol. I eventually calmed down and am doing ok now....just tired of waiting. I am a very impatient person to begin with and I like to prepare and plan for things. So this does NOT work for me. I am going to have to get used to not being able to call the shots though, as I'm sure that will be William's job as soon as he gets here :)

Tomorrow AM I go for a non-stress test at the hospital, followed by a doctor's appointment that afternoon. Monday is a sonogram and another doctor's appointment. I have to go twice a week now since I'm late. I am hoping I will be able to cancel Monday's appointments, but I have been hoping that the past two weeks to no avail.

Well at least I know the longest it can be is another week. Then we're coming in after him!

I gained a TON (almost literally) of weight, too. So I am really upset about that, even though I wasn't pigging out or eating junk food. I just ate when I was hungry and I ate what I wanted to eat, especially at the beginning when there wasn't much I could even stomach. I know he is a big baby and the after-birth and water weight, etc. will add up, but I will still have a way to go after that. I know I can do it, I just feel disappointed that I gained so much. I wish the doctor had said something if I was getting too big. Although friends, family, strangers, they all say I look so tiny, with just a big belly. So who knows. I'm anxious to see what I will lose right away and what I will have left to lose via exercise and Weight Watchers. I know I can do it. Just gonna be a long summer!!!

Friday, May 6, 2011

Due Date...More like "Don't" Date....

(As in "I don't wanna come out yet, Mom!")

So this is what 40 weeks pregnant feels like????

Not that I should even be upset or impatient yet, because I know it is very rare that you go on your actual due date and it is even more likely for first time moms to be late rather than early. I was just reaaaaally hoping he'd be here by now. I am still hoping he will be here for Mother's Day, but I am not holding my breath. I will have to just celebrate next year :/

So on a day that I was, in a perfect world, supposed to be in labor, I instead had some bloodwork done, took in a movie, had lunch with my cousin, bought a super cute dress in a size small (healthy dose of wishful thinking and some good motivation to get back into shape ASAP!!!)

Yesterday at my doctor's appointment my blood pressure was slightly high. That coupled with the swelling I've been having, my doctor wants to just keep on eye on any developing preclampsia. She said there is nothing to be worried about yet, but she ordered some bloodwork anyway so that step is aready done, should anything get worse over the next few days. I honestly think my BP was high because I was in a rush getting to the appointment on time. But better safe than sorry. Monday afternoon I go for an ultrasound to gauge the size of the baby and Tuesday morning I have another appointment with my doctor.

At least I know the longest it can be now is another 2 weeks. By this time 2 weeks from now William WILL be here. Which is both very exciting and very scary, so maybe I should enjoy my last few nights of not having a newborn, because I am sure I don't even know what my life is going to be like and what is in store for me once he arrives.

But I can't wait to meet him/see him/hold him/kiss him!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, April 28, 2011

About to friggin pop.

So today is the last day of my 39th week. Tomorrow I begin 40 -- aka hopefully the LAST WEEK -- of my pregnancy.

Since my last post, Baby William has definitely flipped around. As of the last post, I was debating between going through with the version procedure or not. I decided over the weekend before the procedure to cancel it. I called Monday morning and did so. Sometime on Monday eventhing there was a lot of movement going on in my belly. And then I felt little pokes and kicks in different areas, more vertical than horizontal. And I had a feeling he had flipped into position. When I went to the doctor last Thursday (4/21), she confirmed that he had, in fact, flipped. I was so proud of my son for knowning what to do and doing it, even when the doctors said there was a slim chance at this stage and size of him moving out of a breech position.

I go back this afternoon to the doctor and hoping he is still in position. I think he has, but he has moved once so I am not putting anything past this little guy. I am hoping for some good news as far as dilating or effacement or dropping. People say my belly looks like it is lower now so I am hoping he has dropped. Although last week the doctor said he was still pretty high, so we'll see what she says.

It has been so hot lately, I can't stand it. I don't know how women go thru the summer months in their third trimesters. Even second. I am glad I was only pregnant end of August and September and at those points was only a few months. I think I'll try to plan future pregnancies around this same timeline lol.

I also don't get women who say they loved being pregnant. Sure it has its good moments. But I am guessing these women never got to 39 weeks because I'm sorry but it is torturous. You're big. You're hot. You're swollen. You are no energy, even though you have so much left to do to prepare for the very near arrival. Oh AND...you get people telling you "any day now!!!" when you feel like delivery is a lifetime away. Any day my foot. People have been saying that to me for weeks and still NOTHING lol. "Hang in there!" As if I have some other option lol. At least I know it can't be too much longer now.

Don't get me wrong, most of the pregnancy, minus the second half of the first trimester when I was battling morning sickness, and this last 9th month, has been great. But pregnancy is no cakewalk, and God bless the women who go through it with no problems!

Last week the doctor said if I am still undelivered at my due date (May 6) then they will send me for another ultrasound to see how big the baby has gotten. I am assuming if he is big (which he will be, as 2 wks ago he was 7 1/2 lbs already), they will induce me, as to not keep this huge child in me any longer. I remember the childbirth class instructor saying at a certain point when the baby gets too big, the mother can no longer provide as well for him so it's best to get the baby out. I'm hoping to go on my own before next Friday, but I will be more than willing to do whatever the doctor thinks is best for me and William at that time.

I will update later with any new developments from today's appointment!! Just think, a BABY will be here any time from RIGHT NOW to at the latest, 2 weeks from now.....aaaaah!!!!!!

Wednesday, April 13, 2011


So....as of last Thursday, April 7th, we were on schedule. William was in the right position and ready to go. I was 50% effaced, so the process had begun. Somewhere between Thursday afternoon and my ultrasound Monday morning, this little gymnast decided to flip into a frank breech position, where his little butt would come out first if I were to go into labor.

So my options are to wait and see if he flips back naturally, and if not, schedule a c-section for the 39th week OR to undergo an external cephalic version, where the doctor will manually manipulate my abdomen to turn the baby externally. This procedure is only effective 50% of the time and even if it does work, there is no guarantee that he will not move back anyway. If he does move back, c-section it is. If he doesn't, I wait for labor to begin naturally. They will not let me have natural birth while he is frank breech. There is a small risk that on the day of the procedure I'd have to have an emergency c-section, if the baby becomes distressed during the process. I read that the chances of that are 1 in 1000 and the doctor performing the version said in 25 years he hasn't had to do it.

I made an appt for the version for next Wednesday. Still deciding if I am going to keep the appt or not. I guess there is no real harm in going through with the procedure, but I just want to make sure I am doing what is best for the baby.

So after finding that out on Monday I was a pretty big wreck most of the day. On top of that news, they told us he was 7.5 lbs already...WITH 3 WEEKS TO GO. So I'm pretty sure I'll be giving birth to a giant. I know the average is just that, an average, but when you are no in that average range, you worry. I want him to be "average" and "normal". I understand that just because he is bigger doesn't mean anything is wrong, you just dont want to hear anything out of the ordinary when you are pregnant. You want everything to go smoothly and according to plan.

So between those 2 bit of news, my crazy hormones, my increasing nerves about the reality of actually having a child to take care of for the next 18 years starting in as little as 1 week....I was just all sorts of crazy.

I have calmed down a lot since then. Not as nervous, just, again, want to do what's best, even if that means scheduling a section.

I am so ready for this all to be over and to have him here safe and healthy. But I'm sure it will only get harder once he is here lol.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

The countdown is on.

As if it hasn't been in MY mind for months now anyway....but now we really are steadily approaching D-Day and boy am I nervous. Not so much for the actual L&D (labor and delivery), but more for the not knowing WHEN it will happen. I hate surprises.

Speaking of hating surprises, my baby shower was last week. I clearly knew about it, because of said hatred for surprises, added to the fact that, if you ask my sister, I am a control freak, PLUS the fact that my mother couldn't handle the responsibility of throwing a party on her own if her life depended on it. So I was happy to help plan it/plan the whole thing lol.

Baby William got SO MUCH STUFF I cant even believe it. I started opening presents at 2:30 and didn't finish until the shower ended at 4:30. I kept hoping it was over because I was just getting so exhausted from opening all the gifts!! But we are very lucky to have such amazing family and friends who love us and our little Prince so much!!!

We managed to take much of the gifts home, and whatever we didnt need right away, my wonderful Aunt Barbara took to store in her garage, thank God. It's been a little over a week and I feel like I've done a pretty good job of organizing and straightening it all up. I sorted all his clothes into bins by month, and anything 6 months and up is packed away. I cleared out my night stand and part of my closet in those drawers/space I have all of his newborn and 0 to 3 month clothing. I put all of his handmade quilts and blankets in a bin. All of his books (over 60 at least...I lost count as I was packing) in another bin. All of his bath time paraphernalia...towels, washcloths, robes, etc...in another bin. I have one bin left to really sort out. Right now it just says "Toys & Wishing Well"...so its basically some stuffed animals and odds and ends that dont really have a place now. All in all, I'm feeling pretty good about the level of organization going on in our apartment right now. But I'm sure this won't last very long.

I will say though that being pregnant is great. You get treated so much better than when you're not pregnant. Saturday was our 1 year wedding anniversary. We went out to dinner in the city and to a broadway show (Wonderland). Dinner, in which I ordered a $99 lobster....probably the ONLY time in my life I will EVER do that, ran a little long and we left the restaurant with about 10 minutes to get to the theater. But being 8 months pregnant, my fat little legs could only waddle so fast through Times Square, so we go to the theater about 5 minutes into the show. As such, they couldnt seat us until there was a lull in the stage action. I would have been fine if we didnt just rush from dinner to the theater, but since we did, I was feeling out of breath and really needed to sit down, so Billy told an usher. They pulled a chair (someones seat...who wasnt yet seated) from the aisle and let me sit there. But then the person who's seat it was showed up and wanted to sit down. So the owner of the theater told the usher I had to get up. The usher told him I was pregnant, and he was all "oh stay, stay stay." And I dont know what they did, but I guess they sat that person somewhere else because stay I did. Then when they did seat us a few minutes later, the usher held my arm and lead me down the stairs like I was 80 years old. Meanwhile she was probably like 70 herself. She was so sweet though, and as the show is going on, she's asking me if it's my first, if I have a name picked, etc. Apparently she had all boys because she couldnt carry girls, and her 2nd husband's name is William. LOL....

But now back to the countdown. Depending on who you ask, I am due either May 3rd or May 6th. My OBGYN originally said the 3rd. But I knew it was the 6th. Somewhere along the line, they changed their files to say the 6th, but apparently not before I went for my ultrasound in December, because THEY have on file as May 3rd for my due date. But for argument's sake, since it IS just an estimate after all, let's say May 6th.

If that's the case, I am due in 39 days. That does not necessarily mean I will have a BABY in 39 days. He could be hear as early as April 15th (37 weeks) or as late as May 20th (42 weeks). So that puts us anywhere between 17 to 53 days.

SEVENTEEN DAYS????? I can't even imagine it!!!!!!! Even if it is 53 days, it will be here so fast.....

I have a lot on my mind right now about breastfeeding too. I may write another post about it, but most of my readers (hi Lauren & Aimee!) heard all about my worries via FB today, so I'll save them the reading.

I guess that's all for now....

Monday, March 14, 2011


The "What to Expect When You're Expecting" web site is a mind reader. Every time I get an email from them, telling me what I may be experiencing, I am experiencing just that. So it was no surprise when at 3:28 am last night I look at my blackberry and see an email from them entitld "Insomnia". According to the site, 75% of women experience insomnia in their third trimester. Lucky me for being one of them.

We got in to bed relatively early last night....Sunday nights Billy likes to get in bed early so he is well rested for the beginning of the week. So we usually lay down about 8 or 9 and watch TV for an hour or 2 in bed instead of in the living room. So last night by the time we settled in it was a little after 8. And as I said before, at 3:28 am I was still up. I had maybe an hour or 2 max of total sleep in between those 8 hours of being in bed. I watched 9,000 TV shows, went on facebook, ate an apple, tried just laying in the dark with the TV and everything off. Nothing. And then when I did fall asleep, I was up to go to the bathroom very soon after. I think I finally fell asleep a little after that 3:28 am email...and then Billy's alarm went off at 4:30. I was up for a few minutes then and then fell back asleep til he left for work around 7. Now at this point I can get up and start my day, but I am so exhausted from lack of sleep that I tell myself just another hour or 2 more and then I'll get up. Fast forward to 11:30 and I'm still laying in bed. I sleep so late in the morning because of the no sleep at night....and then obviously cant sleep again at night. It's a vicious cycle that I cannot break.

It's gonna be awhile before I get a solid, comfortable night's sleep ever again. Thank god I'm not working though. I don't know how I'd function at a job with this type of schedule.

Friday, March 11, 2011

Home stretch

It's been about a month since I posted. I kept meaning to, but couldnt find the time, which is odd since I am not working and still cant get everything done in a day that I want to. I dont know what I did when I worked 40 hours a week.

So I am into my 33rd week today. In reality, we could have a (full-term) baby anytime from 4 weeks from now until 9 weeks from now. Both options sound way too soon lol. I am so excited for May 6th (give or take) to come, but so nervous at the same time and definitely NOT looking forward to the actual labor part of it, lol.

At our childbirth class on Tuesday, they gave us a tour of the L&D rooms, the postpartum rooms I'd be staying in and then we went to the nursery. We happen to be there just as 2 new babies were born. One was about 45 minutes to an hour old, and the other just was a few hours old. They were so tiny and adorable and it made me want my little guy even sooner!! (But not too soon William...stay in there til you're done cooking!)

In other news, my doctor has said at my last 2 visits that I (meaning my uterus) am bigger than I should be at this point, by about a few weeks. She said it could be that he is just a big baby or that I am retaining a lot of water (which I am) and that it probably isnt anything major. I am going for an ultrasound on the 24th just to see what's going on. But at least it explains why I feel like such a cow lately lol.

Sleep has been a nightmare. Cant get comfortable at all. When I do, it lasts about an hour and I'm up again. Either he's kicking, I have to pee, etc....this past week Billy didnt sleep with his apnea machine which made it a million times worse for me to sleep, too. Just a bad week for sleep lol.

My baby shower is next week.(Yes I know about it. I'm basically planning the whole thing. By choice though, I love this stuff...www.facebook.com/eldplanning or www.eldplanning.com). Can't believe it's already here. Have no idea what we are going to do with all the gifts, but we'll find a way haha.

Oh and today's my BIRTHDAY! The big 2-6. Last year at this time I was a few weeks away from getting married and now this year I am a few weeks away from being a mom. So weird how things can change so much in a year!

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Our Baby in 3D

Yesterday we had our big 3D/4D sonogram of my little Prince. Our appt was at 9:15 but I woke up at 5:30 because I just could not sleep. Got ready, ate breakfast, etc. Left to pick up my mom and then went to the place, called View a Miracle, in New Brunswick. It was so cute...they of course have a little shop there as well and all the baby things they had were so precious.

I was called pretty quickly and was very excited to see my baby, but when I laid on the table and they squirted that cold goop on my belly, they said he was face down and there was no way they could get good pictures at that angle. For the second time in the past 7 months, an ultrasound technician told me she could see my bladder was full (I knew I had to go but they told me to hold it til after so there was more fluid for the picture or something). She said to go to the bathroom to see if that moved him. Well if we learned anything from my 20 wk anatomy scan, that little trick does not work on Prince William. He will move when he is good and ready and ONLY when he is good and ready.

So as not to get their appts backed up, they had me leave the room and took other patients. They made me walk around for about 15 or 20 minutes to see if that shook him up a bit. Nope. Nothing. So this time the lady said it was "highly unlikely" that we would get any images today but I could wait a little longer or reschedule my appointment. I was so disappointed! I was waiting since January 1 when I made this appointment to see my baby! I hadn't seen him since December 13th and before that sometime in September. I wanted to know if he looked like me or Billy. I wanted to see his little face clearer than in my regular sonogram.

By this time it was close to 10 am. We had planned on going to breakfast after so I asked the technician if we could go to the diner up the road and come back after. She said as long as we were back by 1 it was no problem. I made sure to drink 2 big glasses of lemonade because I remembered reading that sugary drinks will make them move more.

When we went back to View a Miracle it was a little after 11. I didn't think I felt my baby turn over at all while we were eating, so I had very little hope left that we would see him today. But we went in the room one last time. I laid down on the table and as soon as she put the wand on my stomach there he was!!! Perfect views of his face!! I was so happy that we didnt have to reschedule and I could see him right then and there!

Of course he was sleeping so there wasn't much movement. A little smirk, he opened his mouth a time or two, but nothing too crazy. I immediately thought he looked like Bily, and everyone else agreed. Then the tech asked if I knew the sex. I said I did but that Grandma Fran was still not convinced. She kept telling me since December "you never know"...Mom, I knew. When you see it, you see it. So the tech zoomed RIGHT IN....and there was no denying anymore that it was a William and not a Wilma lol. (There are some very clear pictures of that as well but I refrained from posting them here or on Facebook. Gotta give my little guy SOME privacy.)

They took some video for about 10 minutes and took some shots of his face. His leg was somehow positioned in such a way that his little toes and foot were resting near the top of his head...too cute.

Then they give you the recording of the heart beat....you get it for "free" with the purchase of a stuffed animal to put it inside (like Build a Bear ish). Of course I had to get it. What kind of mother doesnt want that. So we bought that and Billy bought some Tag a Longs that were also for sale lol....and called it a day.

I still havent stopped looking at the pictures or watching the video! I almost want him to stay like this forever because he is so cute. I dont want to him to get bigger and grow up!!! I want him to be a baby foreverrrrr!!!!!!!!!

Monday, January 31, 2011

Third Trimester!

Friday, January 28th, marked the beginning of my third trimester. Time really does fly. Ever since I started college I feel it just keeps going faster and faster, and these past six months have been the fastest by far. I remember about 3 or 4 months ago thinking the 6 to 7 months I had left would go on forever. Almost half a year left of being pregnant! Now, it's 3 short months that will be over before I can blink.

So to commemorate the beginning of the last trimester...a survey.

How far along? 26w3d

Total weight gain/loss: Ugh. About 30 lbs since August. But it really must be all in my stomach because I dont see it anywhere else!

Maternity clothes? A few things. Jeans obviously....my mother in law bought me a track suit for Christmas and my sister in law Nicole bought me leggins and a top...I purchased a few tops but really only wore them a handful of times. I am home every day and not working so most days I can get away with sweats and a sweatshirt or tshirt. Really hate to spend all that money on clothes when hardly anyone sees me all day long lol.

Stretch marks? Still no. Good.

Sleep: Better in the past few weeks....got a body pillow which has helped a lot. And to be honest, when my back hurts and I need to lay on it, I do. The doctor said try not to, but she also said if I end up on my back it's not a huge problem. My grandmother slept on her back while she was pregnant (didnt know not to then) and said I would be fine too. For some reason I trust her opinion and "medical" advice even more than the doctor lol. She didnt get to 72 years old for nothing.

Best moment this week: I think it was last week, but felt hiccups for the first time...January 24th!

Movement: Constant! He is up all morning, all night....wakes me up at 4 am....some are hard enough that you see the movement on my belly...really amazing.

Food cravings: Still nothing consistent...but I'm eating like a cow. I'm ALWAYS hungry!!!

Gender: Baby Boy William :)

Labor Signs: Negative.

Belly Button in or out? Oh it's on its way out, unfortunately.

Wedding rings on or off? Just took them off this weekend. Wearing them on a chain around my neck for now.

What I miss: Wine. Big time.

What I am looking forward to: Our 4D ultrasound next weekend!

Weekly Wisdom: I think you have to take what you read and what doctors say with a grain of salt. Yes they are the professionals but think of how our mothers and grandmothers went through the same things with half as much of the worry that they give us today. I think everything in moderation wont harm the baby. Go with your instinct and listen to the advice of the older women in your family just as much as you listen to the doctor.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

It's been awhile....

Not much new to post but I figured it's been too long not to update something. Went to the doctor January 4th....even though my appointment was for January 6th. We originally said the 4th, and then before I left the office in December we switched it to the 6th, since that was easier for Billy to make.....somehow I still had the 4th stuck in my head. Thankfully they took us anyway...the appointments are only about 7 minutes long so I don't see why they couldn't anyway....my brain is really slipping away, slowly but surely.

Although I am getting a little annoyed with my OBGYN. I realize the average doctor appoint is under 10 minutes long, they need to get in and out, see more patients, make money, etc. But I feel like I have no idea what is going on in my pregnancy. If it wasn't for books or the Internet (which may or may not be a good thing), I'd be clueless. The doctor basically just asks me how I'm feeling. Doesn't do ultrasounds, not even a 14-week ultrasound....doesn't touch my stomach....they do blood pressure and a urine sample every visit so I guess it's something, but I feel like I have no clue what is going on or what I should be doing.

In fact I read that I should be having my gestational diabetes screening between week 24 and 28. I am almost into week 26 and my next doctor appointment isn't until the end of week 27 which is pushing it. When are they gonna give me the script for this? I had to call them myself last week to ask about it. Maybe things like that don't HAVE to be done in the time frame the Internet tells me it does, but I feel like at least a MENTION of it should have been made at my last appointment. If I didn't call and ask, would it have ever been addressed? I just feel like if I don't ask about something, it doesn't come up. I don't even know what I should be asking or what I should be feeling.

I don't know. Maybe I'm overreacting, but as a first time mother, I feel like they should be guiding me and informing me more than they do.

I originally started seeing one doctor and didn't really have a problem with her. They suggested I see her partner a few time, too, just so I get used to both of them and am familiar with whoever is there when I go into labor. I've seen the partner the past 3 visits. Her bedside manner is much friendlier than the original doctor, but I dont get as much technical information from her. So February I am going back to the original doctor. Maybe that will help things.

I'm hoping to stick with her from now til May. If things improve, great. Although I have a feeling I won't be returning to this practice for my 2nd child. I'm really shocked, too, because my GP recommended this doctor because HIS wife went to her when she was pregnant. If a doctor's wife goes to them, they have to be good right? Guess not!

Any other recent moms out there have similar experiences with their OBGYNs?

Saturday, January 1, 2011

We're having a baby this year!!!!

Happy 2011. Who knew a year ago I'd be where I am right now. Crazy how life unfolds in front of you and your world can change in an instant. (The second part of that sentence was a line from an episode of Scrubs I am watching just now, but I thought it applied, so I wrote it lol.)

Christmas came and went, with lots of clothes for Prince William from Grandma Fran and an awesome scrapbook and maternity clothes for mom from Grandma/Nanny (not sure yet) Andrea. We are both blessed to have such great parents and William is lucky to call them his grandmothers!

I have been feeling the kicking much more regularly lately. Billy has felt it a few times too, he thinks. And yesterday (or was it the day before), I could have sworn I saw the actual movement of this one kick because it was strong. I love feeling him move around!!

Havent been sleeping well lately...I wake up every night in the 4 o'clock hour and stay awake for another 2 or 3 hours....then fall back asleep for a few hours until 10 am or so. I cant sleep on my back or stomach and am finding it really hard to find a good position to sleep in. My back is killing me and the sciatica is on and off. But really all it's not so bad. Just thanking God when I wake up at 4:30 am I dont have to go to work at 8 am anymore. Makes it much more manageable lol.

Doctors appointment on Tuesday. 4D Ultrasound in February. Other than that, nothing more to report. Til then!