Tuesday, September 6, 2011

10 Years

This blog started as a way to document my pregnancy and continued to chronicle the special moments in our lives with our little bundle, but today I am going to write about something else.

It has been almost 10 years since September 11th, 2001. I can hardly accept that fact. So much has happened to me in the past ten years. I started college. I graduated college. I began working. I got engaged, married and pregnant. And now I have a beautiful 4 month old baby boy.

It kills me that my Aunt Lorraine can't be here to see all these things happen. I know how happy even ONE of those milestones would have made her, let alone all of them.

I was just feeding William and flipping thru the channels when I came across a 9/11 documentary on NatGeo. I usually don't stop to watch these things. I feel like my family is inundated with 9/11 as it is, that I dont need to add any more fuel to the fire. But for some reason I stopped to hear this one woman's account of escaping. She was one of the lucky ones. She said when she reached the 1st floor a police woman stopped her from exiting the building. And as they looked up, a second plane crashed into the other tower. It just sliced right threw. I have seen pictures of this too many times to count over the past 10 years. Who hasn't? But I dont know that I ever saw a video. I dont know if it was the angle, the sound or what, but it was just so terrifying to watch it literally slice right through an entire building. Windows, walls, desks, everything inside. Including people. The tears just started to fall uncontrollably, as I knew my aunt was trapped above the floors that the plan went through. I almost wish, if she couldnt have been below or out already of course, that she was on those floors. To be above, to know what happened, and to be trapped...I dont even know what she was feeling. I cant bear to think about it for longer than a few seconds before the tears start. The fear and heart ache I feel is probably miniscule to what she was going through. I wonder who or what she was thinking of. Her husband, Johnny. My grandmother, Joan. Her brothers and sisters. Her nieces and nephews. The baby she never did get to carry but always wanted. The life she would be leaving behind and the eternal life she would be going to. No doubt she was praying to her savior, Jesus, as she was a very devout Catholic. And I hope that she is with Him. I know that she is with Him. And that she is happy where she is. I know she wants us to know this. That she wants us to be happy, too. But I don't think that will ever be entirely possible.

But as I was sitting on the couch, with my beautiful baby in my lap, feeding him his bottle, tears cascading down my face and some splashing onto his....he reached up and touched my cheek with is tiny little hand. And in that moment I somehow knew Aunt Lorraine was with me. That she was been with my since that horrible, horrible day in September 2001. For all my big occasions, for whenever I have prayed to her or needed her guidance. And that she will always, always be with me in spirit, until the day I can be with her again, too.

Friday, September 2, 2011

Long Overdue

It's been an entire season since I've last blogged...literally 3 months. So without further a due...(This one's for you, Lauren.)

It's probably been the craziest three months of my life. I haven't had a second to myself but I love it and wouldn't want it any other way. I love my baby boy and I LOVE that I am home, spending every day with him, for at least the foreseeable future. Watching him grow the past three months has been an incredible experience. William was never "little", as he was over 9 lbs at birth. He fit into NB clothing for a good 2 weeks, before he was already in 3 months. Now, at 3 1/2 months, he is in 6 to 9 months. It has been the fastest, foggiest 3 months of my life. I am trying to remember it all, but the days go by so fast and he seems like a different baby from one week to the next. Bigger, smarter, stronger, more...interactive. I feel like I will blink and he'll be 3 and then 13 and then a grown man.

But let's focus on the present for a minute (and the immediate past). William was baptized 2 weeks ago now. We had a nice celebration afterwards at Rosina's with immediate family. William is a very blessed little boy to have so many people who love him so much.

What else, what else. He is doing very good on tummy time. He has always had stellar head and neck control, literally since the day he was born. When I put him on his tummy he looks as if he is going to crawl, if only he could figure out to push his arms. He rolled over for the first time the other day...August 31. He did it TWICE in a row, from tummy to back, but haven't been successful in getting him to do it again since.

He loves when I sing to him. Which is how you know a child's love for their mother is unconditional....no one else in their right mind would listen in such amazement when I sing. But for some reason he is memorized when I do.

I am afraid he is starting to get a little spoiled though. Everyone always wants to hold him, so now he is used to this. But sorry kiddo, when its just you and Mommy I can't possibly do it ALL day, as much as I would love to. So right now I am letting him cry it out in his swing. He was just changed. He doesnt want his baba. Everything else is fine. He will stop in five minutes or so. Billy and I really but heads on this one because "all the books say" that you can't spoil a child under 6 months old. But generations of mothers have told me otherwise, and I am going to listen to them. So a little tough love will hopefully break him of this habit. ...Look at that, he stopped, just as I finished writing this. And back to sleep. I think a large part of it is he fights to stay awake. His big eyes are so tired yet he doesn't want to miss anything! Listen little one, right now, you are the best and most interesting part of our family, so if you are asleep, trust me, NOTHING good is going on :) Get your rest now while you can and while you need it most!!

Ok now I have to go start dinner...I promise I will try to be more diligent with this blog, now that I know my loyal readers (or just you Lauren) actually want to know what's going on!!